What can I say about our Lord? Well, he definitely knows what he's doing. I learned more than once that he can make the impossible happen, yet something kept driving me to challenge him.
Almost 11 years ago I was sitting on the Jetty at the Pacific ocean relaxing and spending time with Jesus. In casual comments to Him I happened to mention that if he was so inclined to send me a husband, would he mind filling the most impossible list of traits I had. There had to be about 50 items on the list! I did this never dreaming that it would happen, after all...this list was IMPOSSIBLE!
I was very happy spending the rest of my life living by myself. I had the Lord and my lovely ocean! I was in my comfort zone....HA! Not for long...
Two months later, I found the Christian Matchmakers. I had been online and made many friends. I had met over 100 people from the internet in real life. All of them were great. So I thought I would check out this site. I figured I would find people for fellowship. I filled out the profile, answered the essays, hit make me a match and 100+ names came up.
I picked the first one that caught my eye. I read it completely and fell over. I KNEW before I ever wrote to this man he was it. I wrote him an e-mail and asked him to visit my website. The next day I received a e-mail from him. By this time, there was NO doubt in my mind God had hand picked him for me. I wrote him back and told him that we would be married by the same time next year. Of course he thought I was off my rocker....but played along anyway....
When those who place demands ask more than you can give
Think of me asking nothing but to be a shadow of love
Those you count on having fallen short in their support
Think of me always within reach to hold you in my arms.
Place me last in your mind, forever last in your heart
So I'll be there my love when everybody else is gone
Trying to catch up and left behind alone, just turn around
Your heart a home that is never empty, finding me there
Dream last of me in your dreams, remembering as you wake
That your day has been prepared by my first morning prayer
With God watching you safely through all the following hours
Until at last I can hold you but for a moment by his grace.
Ask or tell me last with the knowing I'll be there to listen
Holding you and not holding you up, giving you all of my love
It being a small portion of the blessing you have given to me
Just to love you for today, yesterday, and for all of my tomorrows.
Keep me for last with the knowledge I am everlastingly yours
Waiting but a pause within a moment of a heartbeat of time.
I love you so much my Darling, let me be the last you turn to
Because in the circle of our love, the last is still the first.
In the summer of 1996 I received a call out of nowhere. It was a headhunter, seeking applicants for an engineering job in Reno Nevada. That fall I packed my bags and hauled all my worldly goods across the continent, leaving my home in Ontario, Canada to set up shop in a new place and a new country.
I was traveling solo, having been divorced for seven years and having been alone for that whole time. It had been a good time and a bad one... a time of much pain and loss, but a time in which I came to know God, and to heal, and to spend some time seeking him. I left engineering in 1994 to go to seminary - an issue of the heart - and had just been called back into my former profession.
There is an important thing which the reader should know. There is nobody, nobody, nobody in this world who can fill a void in your life. If your life is empty, you need God to fill it. Never seek a relationship out of a sense of need, or to solve personal unhappiness. To do so is to put an impossible burden and an impossible task upon the shoulders of another.
I did not go to the Matchmakers' site seeking a mate. Actually, since I was alone in a new place I was spending quite a bit of time on the Internet. I found the site by accident while looking for Christian discussion forums, then curiosity got the better of me. I filled out the questionnaire and started reading people's profiles, and soon after started to correspond.
I did not find Lisa - she found me. She briefly introduced herself, and referred me to her web site (now our web site) to find out more about her. I visited the site and wrote her a letter. There was something in her "Comfy Home" webpage that really spoke to my heart. I did feel like I was home.
Lisa's Comfy Home was seriously assailed soon afterward. Lisa, who was self-employed at the time, got very sick. It's an all too common American story... she lost her income, had made too much money for Medicare and not enough for medical insurance.... it was a major disaster and a desperate situation. I jumped in to fill the void.
I guess my reason for getting involved was a bit of a selfish one. Yes, I cared a lot about the situation, but really I was trying to preserve a dream. Lisa's Comfy Home was something worth saving. It had spoken to my heart. It was never an issue of "getting involved in a relationship". After all, I did not even really know Lisa at the time. It was enough just to know that her "Comfy Home" existed, and would weather the crisis.
Well, the story ended differently. Here we are, nine years later. The details of how we ended up together are a story all in itself. God's hand was involved all the way. I suppose it was the ultimate romance... I was captivated by a dream, and have ended up living it. Now "Lisa's Comfy Home" has become "Hill's Haven". It is a good place, and our lives have both been enriched beyond measure.
Today we have gone full circle from Nevada, to South America, to Virginia and back home to Nevada... next year who knows? But our happy home moves with us, wherever we are.
Good luck, all of you out there. Be yourselves, and follow your hearts. Be honest, and kind, and gentle. There is risk in this place, and sometimes pain - so take your time, because good things will last. Be aware, though, that there are also dreams here ... dreams that come true, and that change your life. May God guide you and bless you.